Just bad english..

What's wrong? Please tell?
Will it all be better when the vacation starts?
Why can't I just be as I was back then. I didn't have any problems, and I did okay. Know I make problems, and small things? I just make them huge. Like I want to be sad, but I don't. I wanna be happy, all the time. I don't want to feel bad, but I do. I wanna loose weight, but i can't this time. I'm to weak, I'm not as strong as i was back then. One year ago, fucking one year, and everythings changed. I feel like a new person, and in a way thats okay, but I wish that I still had my dreams, my happy soul, my 'everything is going to be okay' person. But it just feels like it's all gone. I don't know what i wanna do after next year. I just don't know. Right now I can't stand the school, it's just to much. Feel like I have to be one of the best, 'cuz that's what I've always been. But I can't do it anymore, I don't want to. I'm not happy and positiv all the time anymore. Often I'm just sit in my room doing nothing, even though i should do something with my horses, they need my attention, but they don't relly get it. I can't see the light site of life. It's just gone, but I hope that next year will change it. Will make me forget all the bad things at home, teach me something new about life, show me the way, and just fix me again, I want to be a positiv person, I really do.

I'm watching to much tv, and heard a line from Muhammeds new album. The little boy from x-factor. It said; 'you're like a song stucked inside my head'. I really like that sentence, 'cuz it's true. You are stucked in my head. Like, I will never forget you, I know, and I just wanna know you just as i know her. Can't do anything without you, without you I don't have a reason to be on earth. I love when you just all happy and smiling, and you deserve to be that all the time, but thats not possible. I love you.